I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
