That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
