She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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