I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
