I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
