i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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