drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
