last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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