My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
