walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
