also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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