I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
