Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
