thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
