im six kinds of drunk right now
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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