I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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