I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
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