Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
