Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
