I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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