Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
It's rum buckets o'clock
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
