i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
