i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
