i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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