You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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