His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize