Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
