i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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