I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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