I queefed so loud it echoed.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
