Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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