cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize