Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
