Cold hands, warm shart.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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