I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
