The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
