I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
