Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
