somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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