yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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