I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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