I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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