No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
