I love black thongs
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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