I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
