you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
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My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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