I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He felt like a one man threesome
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
