Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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