Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
