Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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