remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
