u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Apparently you make a good broom.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
