This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Randomize
