i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
