my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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