i need an iv and a liver transplant
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize