There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
