17 year olds will be the death of me.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
