It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
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You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
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Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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